10 Ways to Keep Your Child Safe from an Abusive Parent
10 Ways to Keep Your Child Safe from an Abusive Parent
The most gut-wrenching thought for any parent is their child in pain. Even non-parents can likely understand. Children are innocent beings, unable to protect themselves against the force of an adult. In a perfect world, all parents would adhere to the standard of not abusing children. Yet, we live in imperfect times and hundreds of thousands of cases per year in the US are riddled with a parent abusing their child.
Some couples separate due to domestic abuse. While separation is the smart first step, protecting your child from an ex who has a pattern of abuse against you and/or your child is now the next challenge.
1. Court Protective Orders
State laws vary, but including your child in a court protective order that protects you and them from the abuser is a wise first step. Many states are pretty rigid regarding the evidence you’ll need to put forth to prove the potential risk. Others are more lenient, but the orders are generally for a shorter period.
2. Sound the Alarm
While you might be reticent to broadcast to your immediate social and work network the potential harm your ex can inflict, not doing so could result in your child being placed in a compromised situation. Your family and close friends should all know the risk, and it is also advisable to inform your child’s school, pediatricians, childcare providers, and even close neighbors. The more people know the more protected you’ll be.
3. Get a Plan
Safety plans are growing increasingly popular. They consist of mapping out escape routes from key places where you and your child could be confronted by an abusive ex. These are normally your home, place of work, and school. In addition to the escape route are identifying and planning with the key people who could help you in an emergency.
4. Keep it Documented
All communication with an abusive ex should be in writing. Emails are great as they naturally document communication chains. Should something occur, keep a journal and also email someone you trust so the incident retains a “time stamp.”
5. Be Quick to React
If something should occur in your presence, reach out to emergency services immediately. No matter how minor the incident, it is important to react quickly and involve the police or medical providers as soon as possible.
6. Finances Matter
The trickiest part of any separation is finances. A good lawyer can help you navigate these waters, especially if your abusive ex is avoiding child support payments in place of attempting to spend more time with your child.
7. Consider your Living Options
Nobody is forcing you to remain in the same town as your abusive ex. While family, friends, and even a job might by tying you to a city or region, sometimes simply leaving where your ex lives can vastly alleviate a situation.
8. Reach out to Child Protective Services
Child Protective Services (CPS) can be a valuable resource, especially in documenting potential abuse. There is a stigma around CPS where inviting a governmental agency into your home to investigate could turn against the parent with custody. This is unlikely, so use CPS to your advantage when needed.
9. Construct a Team
Similar to sounding the alarm, seek out two to four folks who can provide extra support when needed. This can be anything from taking care of your child, providing a safe space for both of you in the event of an emergency, and also being the lead in contacting others if you for some reason are not able to when a crisis arises.
10. Create a New Notion of a Family
Believe it or not, one of the main reasons a parent gets back together with their abusive ex is living apart is not part of the romanticized notion of a family. This is indeed true, but just because you want to live out this romantic notion does not mean your child (and/or you) deserves what is likely to transpire - more violence. It is imperative to let go and create a new family unit.